The past couple of weeks felt like swimming from Manila to Corregidor and back and then back again. Not that I have any plans of swimming in the water of Manila Bay again. (Because I actually did have to dive down the murky and stinky waters once in 2006 – in my stint as a bowman)
Well, it’s the only body of water that I can compare it with how I dealt with the cards given to me. I know you may think I feel and look AWFUL right now – because it DOES sound awful being immersed in dark, dirty and stinky water. However, there are some good in it.
One is – you don’t know where the hell you’re heading to, even if you try to open your eyes under. And you know it stinks being dunked in filthy water, but you don’t smell a thing because you are under water and making absolutely sure NOTHING goes inside your nose by pinching it – or by blowing all the air left inside your hapless lungs.
And because it’s so dark and you’re scared shit of what you might encounter or what might happen to you. You just swim and swim and swim again, and HOPE for the best.
I have been keeping myself as busy as possible to make sure I don’t have any strength left when night time comes – and I just crash in bed to sleep. And I cramming myself with Physical therapy reviews, work and Sky will keep my mind so occupied that I don’t think of anything else.
So, I don’t have time to FEEL.
I go out with friends almost every weekend and remind myself that Life goes on no matter what.
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Last Friday my boss told me to go play with Sky and start my weekend a bit early at 3:30PM, because I apparently have done good work. And he thinks that I need to clear my head and do NOTHING to keep myself creative. That it was absolutely vital that I go and sign off Skype and have FUN.
My only question was: HOW?
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I forced myself and went off the grid the rest of my Friday. Even facebook was not spared.
After spraying ourselves with mosquito repellant, we went on a small adventure out of the house.
And then after dinner, I rummaged through the pantry for something that might help me WIND down more. I don’t know a thing about merlot’s and cabernet’s. I just know there is red and white. And I do know that I do prefer red’s over the white’s. Seeing RED, SWEET and WINE on the label was enough for me to choose that bottle over the others. And I finished half of the bottle all by myself, while I read a REALLY GOOD BOOK.
I was half-drunk by the time I finished my 3rd glass. And found myself literally and physically GASP FOR AIR and breathe out the tightness of my chest. And let myself RELAX.
Everything’s going to be just fine.
