Being the free-spirited and happy person that I am, whenever I hear someone who is going depression is, uuhhmm…Overreacting…Until it happened to me.
At first, I thought that I was just sad about the predicament that I found myself into. Sad because I wasn’t able to hold the torch that should have lit the way for our family. Sad because I found myself alone all of a sudden.
I thought I was just plain sad, I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s a normal part of a grieving process no matter what trials that anyone has to go through.
But the sadness lasted for weeks, not days. And I tried to do all the activities that I know that brings joy in my heart, but NOTHING was helping. Running, playing with Sky and reading books felt like a chore. I even had to drag myself to a beauty salon and a spa, just to try to shake the sadness off. Sadly, nothing seemed to work.
I found myself gasping for air a lot of times, even if I was wide awake. I was literally drowning in my own sea of sorrow. It came to a point that I felt like I was in such a deep and dark hole, and I can’t help myself climb out of it. And all I wanted to do was sleep.
My appetite was almost non-existent too. Sure I had a flat, model-like to die for tummy; but I LOOKED LIKE HELL. My hair was falling off and my skin was dull and dry. My eyes were dead. I was a walking zombie. I felt like hell too. To top it off, I can only eat 3 to 5 spoonfuls of rice, and anything more than that would make me want to puke. And most of the time, I would rather be sleeping than eating.
And even if I slept more than 8 to 10 hours a day, I did not feel rejuvenated at all. I was always tired no matter what.
The only thing that I liked to do was work and sleep. Work. Work and more work. I just wanted the day to be done and over with.
Oh, I cry relentlessly for hours. I cry when I wake up, when I watch Sky sleeping and I cry bucket loads at night until I fall asleep.
It was a sad way to exist. And what made it even worse was my crankiness to the point of being irrational. I was always pissed at myself, at the magba-balot, at the manong jeepney driver… EVERYONE…Including Sky.
We were at church one Sunday morning and I just snapped at him for his playfulness. And Sky hugged me at one point that morning and told me to stop crying and be happy.
At that moment of weakness, I knew I had to find outside help. My parents, my siblings and my friends are at a lost on how to help me. And I realized that I could not help myself this time, even if my life depended on it.
The following week, I saw two different shrinks. And started to my journey on finding myself again. I am still on that journey. I am just so glad I made that conscious decision of seeking help.
Most importantly, Sky now knows and feels that Mommy is always here for him no matter what.
~ Sky and Mommy ~
Just in case you or you know someone who may need a bit of life coaching, you may get in touch with…
Randy Dellosa
#105 SCOUT RALLOS STREET, TIMOG, QUEZON CITY
Tel. Nos. 415-6529 or 415-7964
email: life_transformation@randydellosa.com
*His schedule gets filled up pretty quickly, sometimes I even wait for a three weeks before my next appointment. Make sure to call as soon as you can if you would like to have a session with him.
